As I’m writing this blog my two-year-old Xaya is currently tugging on me, calling me mummy repeatedly and wanting to play. It’s a challenging one when you embark on a journey into motherhood, especially alone with no help.
Xaya’s dad left when she was only 2 months old, I remember sitting there in pieces wondering what I was going to do, how I was going to do it all – alone. Some kind of strength took over me and I knew I could do it deep down, but I also had to be clever. I had to utilise the time that I had and survive on no sleep whilst also delving into the healing work and managing my heartache... now that’s a tricky one. Nobody ever talks about how to juggle mum life, work life and personal life. Especially with a newborn into toddler mayhem! My emotions were still everywhere, hormones and heartache with immense feelings of grief for my mum were very much present but I knew that I had to do this for Xaya and to be the best version of me, for her. So how did I do it?
I knew first up I needed to focus on my health... I was the biggest I had been and the most unhealthiest too, using food for comfort and not even knowing what exercise was... so I did just that. First up – HEALTH! I bought foods which would give me great health but also keep me full and away from snacking on sugar, so my blood sugar would be stable, that way I didn’t need to reach out for junk snacks which weren’t going to do me any favours, then I researched which supplements were going to benefit me the most. Arella collagen was first up, along with vitamin B, D, iron, turmeric, ginger, sea moss and probiotics. Then my focus came to exercise, whenever Xaya would have a nap, I would do a floor workout at home in my pjs moving my body in any way whether it was through YouTube or making it up myself, or hiring a PT. Another way I would get my body moving was through walking... I either strapped Xaya to my front with a carrier or I used my running buggy, and away we went. The feeling of movement was such a natural high, I lost 6 stone and never looked back.
Now let’s move onto work and personal life... this was the hard part. Running a household on my own with a baby... I utilised the co-parenting days to work my arse off, leaving me little time to focus on my personal wellbeing, later down the line I soon came to realise I had suffered burnout and an extremely dysregulated nervous system. I thought that to be a good mother I needed to work hard and look good. The looking good was more for social media and work, and the pressures of losing ‘the mum weight’ – little did I realise it all boiled down eventually to my soul needing the most attention. It wasn’t until Xaya turned 2 I sat down, riddled with deep blocked emotions and came to the realisation that I couldn’t keep living that way anymore... so, I meditated. Either before she woke up, or after she fell asleep... I created space in my head to just be. I journaled each morning my lists of gratitude as a basic place to start, and then I came to understand that all I needed to do was work a little bit less, spend more time being present with Xaya and have fun. This was when manifesting came to me... and I understood how the law of attraction REALLY worked. And with that I’ll leave it here, and explain to you in the next blog how we can really consciously create the life we truly want by doing less…
